Dave, Interrupted
by h0mestuckyalater
Summary: Dave finally loses his virginity and eventually ends up playing matchmaker. This is part one and two. Very much mature content. Contains Stridercest, slight Egbertcest themes, xeno, and some other possibly triggering themes.
1. Chapter 1

Homestuck!fic

Merry X-man Christmas, Meggie!

== Be the insufferable prick.

You are the insufferable prick. Your name is Dave Strider and you live with your bro, Dirk Strider, in a hella cool penthouse apartment in Houston, Texas. You're way too cool to have a southern accent, unless the circumstances fall so that you have toothpick in your mouth, in which case the irony of a southern accent would be absolutely _perfect. _You enjoy making sick rhymes and killer beats, and in when you're not busy with that, you run a web comic called _Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff._ It's pretty major.

You are sitting in front of your desktop computer at this very moment, thinking of ideas for the next page of your super cool web comic, but it's boring you to tears. Your pesterchum is going crazy, but it's your internet friend, John, and you don't really want to talk to your young friend. The age difference between you two is small, just two years, but John doesn't realize the gap between thirteen and fifteen like you do, and John is naïve and a little empty-headed at times. But he's still your best friend. Even though you don't want to talk to him right now.

You can't reach your turn-tables from where you're sitting, and you don't feel like moving. You should have captchalogued it earlier when you had the chance.

But you do have your iPhone in your pocket, and at the exact moment you realize this, it begins going off.

_Sweet._

You pull your phone out of your pocket to fine that your bro is beckoning you. He probably wants to go out onto the roof and practice your sword skills, but you really aren't in the mood. You guess it's something to do, so you slip your authentic Japanese katana into you fetch modus and hop down from your chair. You smile when you remember the movie bullshit sent you on your birthday, but you walk by it, telling yourself to make sure you take it out of the box and look at it condescendingly later. It's tough being so cool.

You find your bro in the den, where he's sitting with Lil Cal and a couple of smuppets. Your lips fall into a flat line, but you move over to your bro, standing in front of him. "Sup?"

Dirk shrugs. "I'm bored."

You look a little to the left of your bro and you see Cal staring up at you with those lifeless eyes of his. Good god. No. Cal is cool. Cal is your bro. _You fucking love Cal._

"Well, then what did you have in mind?" you ask, hoping he doesn't want to go on the roof and play ninja, but he takes your waist in his hands, smiling up at you.

He just hums after that, sliding his hands so that his thumbs are resting on your hip bones. It tingles, and you bite your lip. "I think you're finally gonna become a man today, Dave."

"_Pardon?_" You try to pull away, but Bro doesn't let you.

"You're fifteen years old; I think it's about time."

You swallow. "Okay…" You don't quite understand, but you know that everything Dirk has you do is for a reason.

"So get on your knees."

You oblige, watching practically in horror as your bro starts to undo his pants. He's already hard and you don't know how you didn't notice it; he's huge too, but the size shouldn't be much of a surprise because everything about your bro is gigantic, especially his hands. You lean forward, kissing the bulge through his underwear, and he smiles at you. "You're such a good boy, Dave."

You wrinkle you nose but not in disgust; you've just never heard so much lust in someone's voice before. Bro rests a hand on your head, petting your hair. Your heart his racing, your face flushed, as you slowly peel back his underwear from his cock and then off of him entirely. Regrettably, you know how to do this, not from experience but from watching plenty of porn. It's only been a few seconds since this began, but you're already half-hard from the anticipation. You kiss the underside of his cock, and then drag your bottom lip along the skin of his shaft all the way to the top.

Dirk moans softly. "Jesus, Dave."

You duck your head, laughing softly, pleased with yourself. Dirk's fingers start to tangle through your hair and you wrap your hand around the base to hold it upright.

"Generally, the goal is to get it as slick as possible."

You nod, pumping him slowly before you kiss the head, lips parting as you swirl your tongue around the head slowly; the nature of motions are obviously teasing, but Bro doesn't seem to be upset that you're playing with him, so you stop trying to annoy him and act a little more seriously about it. The precum beading from the head of Dirk's cock is delightfully salty, so you lap it up, gathering on your tongue before slathering it on the head with the flat of your tongue. Bro moans again, but now he's pushing your head down; that was the reaction you wanted. You inhale, still pumping, and suck him in as deep as you can without gagging, which is a little less than halfway. You move up and down, making sure that you let large amounts of saliva coat his cock.

You feel Dirk's pulse jump in your mouth before he pushes you off abruptly; he almost came. You smirk in amusement.

He pulls off his shirt and you do too, following suit. He reaches down and undoes your pants, pushing them off. He's so much more muscular than you, not that you're skin and bones; you work out with your bro, but your lanky body hides the muscles you've put on. Dirk is lanky too, so you can only imagine just how strong he is.

He stands up and tells you to lie on the couch. You do, your whole body now visibly flushed. Your pale skin hides nothing, but luckily your sunglasses keep him from seeing your eyes, which are a clear indicator of the fact that you're scared to death, but there's nothing you can do now. You _want_ this; you _want_ to make your bro proud.

"Get them wet," he says as he sticks his fingers in your face, and you feel your ears get hot; this feels a little degrading, but he doesn't want to hurt you, and you understand that, so you take his fingers in your mouth and swirl your tongue around them. He smiles and takes them out; he moves down and slowly pushes a finger into you. You bite your lip and wince because it stings. He doesn't see that because of your sunglasses and you're so grateful, so happy that he can't see you like this. You're determined to take this like a man, but when he starts to try to ease a second finger into you, you yelp, unable to help. Dirk whispers an apology, petting your hair with his free hand.

"I don't expect this not to hurt, Dave. If you're hurting, tell me."

You nod, wiping a bit of sweat off your forehead. You're throbbing hard, and you're on _fire_; you've never felt this hot in your life. This continues on for a few more minutes until he has three fingers in you and beginning to loosen up.

"Change of plans. I've got something else for you."

"What?" Suddenly your bro picks up a smuppets. Your eyes widen in despair as you see the plush puppet rump, and then you realize that your bro is rubbing lube all over the ridiculously elongated nose of the smuppet. You swallow thickly. "_Oh._"

He chuckles and pushes your knees back toward your chest. "It's not as big as me, Dave. So it won't hurt as bad, and it'll make this all much easier." Then he rubs the nose against your hole before slowly pushing it in.

You suck in, clenching your fists tightly. You've never been more scared than you are right now, but you know you have to do this. Dirk takes off his glasses and looks at you, eyes warm.

"Dave, you have to tell me if it hurts."

"Just stings."

"It'll do that for a little while," he offers complacently.

You whine again. "Dude, just do what you've gotta do."

Bro pushes the nose all the way in and begins moving it in and out of you. You moan softly, slowly beginning to enjoy this. Before you know it, your hips are arching into the nose.

"_Dave_, you look _so hot_ right now."

"I'm ready, Dirk."

He nods and pulls the smuppet out of you and tosses it aside. You inhale, extremely nervous, but you're looking at him; he looks a little nervous to, and his eyes are still so warm. You trust your bro. You want this to happen.

Dirk crawls on top of you, his palm resting on the top of the couch, the other cupping your cheek. His hand is cool, so you lean into it because your face feels so _hot_. He comments on it, chucking softly. It embarrasses you, your face getting even more red and heated. He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours, and you immediately press back, your hand cupping his skull. He chuckles again, quickly deepening the kiss until it's sloppy and without rhythm, but so heated and passionate that you feel like your heart may burst. He doesn't break away when he starts lubing himself off, and he's still kissing you when he starts to push in slowly and as gently as he can.

And you're so glad that he's kissing you because it keeps you from panicking, but he's so fucking huge you would swear he was splitting you in half. You dig your nails into his skin, trying to ignore the pain, but it stings so badly.

"_Move_," you beg him, and he does, moving slowly at first, still being relatively gentle with you, but that's not helping you prove yourself. You need him to give you more than he thinks you can handle. "_More. Faster,_" you demand, and Dirk grips your hips and begins to move in and out of you smoothly. It hurts, but it's nothing you can't handle; it's nothing like you were expecting. He leans into you, pressing your chests together, and you realize that he's just as hot and sweaty and on fire as you. He's panting in the rhythm of the movement of his hips, his skin slick against yours.

His hands curl around your wrists which he holds tightly above you head as his movements become more rough and hard till he's pounding in and out of you so fast your head is spinning.

You feel in your gut that you can hardly take another stroke. "I'm about cum!" You warn him and he grunts that he is too. He rests his clammy forehead against his chest as he calls out your name, his nails raking against your bruised wrists. You come together, your own cum splattering all over your stomach, and when Dirk pulls out, he laps it off of your body.

"I love you, Dave," he coos.

You try to catch your breath, panting. "I…I love you too, bro."


	2. Chapter 2

**second part of my homestuck fic. Please review. There is looooottttts more and I will post it only when I receive reviews.**

**I reallly like to know what you guys think and that helps me to make it even better than before**

**thank you!**

**-bastian**

== Dave: Be the dumb one.

You are now briefly the dumb one. Your name is John Egbert, and you are thirteen years old. You have a penchant for Nicholas Cage movies, and you also love John Cusack. You collect movie merchandise and you guard it with your life. You live with your dad, but you spend a lot of time running away from Betty Crocker products when he's home. Your best friend is Dave Strider, who is a ridiculously cool fifteen-year-old that, for some reason, actually gives you the time of day.

But at this particular moment, your dad is not home, and you're taking this time to explore yourself. You are at the peak of sexual maturity, after all, or someone told you that. Anyway, you're not really sure what gave you a boner, but you don't care. It's pretty much the best thing that could have happened under these circumstances, and you plan on making it last as long as you possibly can.

So, here you are, lying on your bed with one of your dad's ties draped around your neck. That's what you were doing when this happened, by the way: dressing up in your dad's clothes…spraying yourself with his cologne…

Oh god…You just chuckle. _Oh well._

You bite your lip, stripping down to your briefs. You have a small wet spot on your underwear already by the time you slowly cup your bulge through the thin cloth. _Shi-it._ Sensitive. You don't want to come just yet; you bite your bottom lip, slowly taking your underwear off. Swallowing thickly, you wrap a hand around the base of your cock, closing your eyes. You pump yourself slowly, arching as far back as you can. "Fuck."

You swallow, taking the tie and wrapping it around your hand, using the silk tie to pump yourself. It feels absolutely amazing, and you don't feel _wrong_ thinking about your dad. You suck on your other fingers, inhaling slowly, trying to steady your breath.

"_Daad…" _you purr as you slide a finger into your hole, your computer makes the damned noise that lets you know that someone is pestering you. You try to ignore it, but it just keeps making that noise until it's all you can hear. But you don't want to lose this moment.

_Shit._

You sit up, moving to your computer, still pumping yourself.

It's Karkat. Well. There goes your beautiful moment. You quickly beat it away, coming pretty hard. You pant, running a hand through your hair, typing back to Karkat. He just sent you about ten messages of his caps locked bullshit.

EB: hey karkat

CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.

CG: DONT ANSWER I ALREADY SAW IT.

CG: WHERES YOUR PAIL.

EB:…we don't use a pail.

EB: why are you watching me?

EB: especially at that particular moment.

EB: karkat?

EB: you there?

CG: I JUST HAPPENED TO CLICK HERE.

CG: I APOLOGIZE.

EB: well I told you, I'm not a homosexual. So please don't creep on me.

CG: I STILL CANT BELIEVE YOU HAVE A WORD FOR THAT.

EB: it's not as weird as you're making it.

EB: anyway why are you watching me?

CG: I WASN'T.

CG: IF I REALLY WANTED TO WATCH I WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED YOU

EB: I guess that's true

CG: DAMN RIGHT

EB: so what's up karkat

CG: WE FOUND A WAY INTO YOUR WORLD

CG: ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THAT

EB: why are you asking me?

CG: YOU ARE YOUR TEAM LEADER

CG: AND I AM MINE

EB: I guess I don't care.

EB: But I'd talk to dave.

CG: OK. WELL WE'LL RESUME LATER.

Karkat logged off. You just shrug and look down. You want to try this again, but now Dave is pestering you. _What's a guy got to do to get some privacy?_

TG: john seriously where the fuck are you

EB: sorry. karkat was pestering me.

EB: er trolling me

TG: flirting? jegus christ just fucking jump his bones already

EB: I am not a homosexual

TG: is that your fucking tagline now?

TG: dude just shut up. im coming over

EB: how

TG: teleportation pad

EB: oh ok

You swallow thickly, kind of convinced that Dave is coming over just to hack you into bits with his sword. You should probably get dressed. _Shit._


End file.
